typewriter

Writing Again

Art is part of my life in many ways. It is a practice that connects me with myself, and of course with others, but with myself,  with those multiple beings inside me that show me how to enjoy what I do. In the last couple of years, with the world returning to normal, I could not find my way to many things that really matter to me –writing, expressing my ideas, my feelings, and my journey. Finding ways to organize my thoughts to really make sense of what I am going through felt impossible. Laziness, apathy, and distraction would navigate a great deal of my day. People were a solution, realising I was not alone. Saying, “Help, please,” is building my world into the one I always wanted. It is an exciting time and also one of the scariest.

After all the books that I’ve read and listened to, I have learned a few things. I learned that no matter what action you need to take, it is clear to me that an idea means nothing if you can’t get organized and make it happen. Many of the people I admire and respect never stop doing this. Some of them are very talented and some are just showing up, building a talent, and showing their work to the world. I have done a lot of beautiful things throughout my almost 40 years of existence. Always with an attitude that I know it all, with a bit of arrogance and a confidence that I can’t stop but wonder where in the world it is now. Yet a lot of the things I did were not decided by me showing who I am. I tried to be perfect, to be what people wanted me to be and I tried very hard. I ended up stressed, injured, and lonely. With people around me but lonely.

Friends got my back, friends who reminded me that it should not be hard to enjoy what you do. Friends who told me they love me and being with me makes them happy, friends who are just there to support me. I believed my friends and now I know that I am capable of a lot more. Because it is not just me anymore, or just Pedro and Tiffany, I found a way to keep beautiful people around me, working with me. People who love to see me smiling and achieving, people who love watching me grow, people who love letting me go. Without an attachment that keeps you with them just for the sake of being there. Talking about friends, I wrote the other day to someone that I could not believe would be there for me. I am talking to myself, the gordito Pedro when he was four to seven years old. It was one of the most beautiful conversations that I ever had because I could meet part of the features that distance me from the world and I could see that I always had a great heart and that I want good things for the people around me and I also want to have fun and I want to be loved. I could tell him that I love him so much. From now on, we will be working and playing together to build the life that we dreamt of. I also found an older version of me that I haven’t talked to yet, I will keep you posted on how that goes.

couple biking

What has changed? I am almost 40, I got permanent residency. I went back home, I got a world title in the most unexpected way. I grew my hair, I am working with all my heart on my relationship with Tiffany. I am dancing for real, I have a team of almost 15 people that I work with. I think every single one of them will become the title of future blogs or Instagram posts. There are so many little things I can put here but I am so looking forward to telling you about them. I want to write and learn what they mean. I write because I feel that I can express some of the things I am going through. I want to write because I believe that you would like to read. Yes, this is not about dancing. Dancing is one thing I do and I love to dance, perform, teach, and learn. I love it. But this space is for me to show you a little part of me, a little part that really matters. Full of my story, I want to make these lines not only insightful, I want to make them fun. Hopefully, you will find a little bit of everything here, you will find a little bit of me.

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