So many little things that are capable of pulling us out of so many very important and significant moments. Like a stain on my jumper, something in your teeth or the fact that you are still waiting for your PR and you don’t see yourself going back to Venezuela. Those three options seem very different from the next one, in some you have control and in others, it is just out of your reach. Regardless, they can distract you from any task. In the middle of a class, I find ways to act like I don’t care but they are still in my head, while I spin around I am trying to remove the poppy seed that appears to be glued to my teeth, with the amazing effort of my lungs, and my head starts balancing between the steps that I am teaching and the stubbornness of the left overs of my snack. I found the whole thing fascinating, from figuring out that something is bothering you, to figuring out a way to remove it, while living your life like nothing has happened. Yet the longer that lingering uncomfortable feeling has been with you, it can probably start to confuse the feeling with what you really are, but in reality, it is not. It sounds to me like wearing a t-shirt and the logo is stained.
In Australia, people are super polite to the point that they never tell you about those things and you find the stuck poppy seed hours later. I don’t blame you but I have other friends that I am 100% sure they will tell me. I try my best to open time to talk about the feeling of still not having a PR. Just in case you don’t know, I got it a few years ago but I still remember the feeling. I have other feelings like that feeling, like a weight on your shoulder, a feeling that shows that you are alive. They require inspection and skill to help you find them.
I like writing. I like finding moments to express to and for myself. Writing allows me to scan my life for the pieces that are bright and the pieces that are dragging me down. I understand that I am capable of change and I understand that I love learning. This mindset allows me to constantly try to improve whatever is within reach and I believe I can handle it.
Meditating is another tool that I find useful, because the idea of being in the present moment, losing the attachment to my thoughts, allows me to step away from those moments of anxiety that I am creating for myself by being on my phone for too long. But I have to admit this is something that I work on everyday and it is a beautiful challenging path that gives colour and love to my life.
PR was a great task that I worked for. More than 7 years have passed for me to achieve it and I am very grateful that I have it now. Because there are many disadvantages of being a student and then on a bridging visa. I hope I can tell you all about it in the future, with all the sacrifices that one has to endure from choosing to leave your family and your country behind for the unknown.
This idea of weight on your shoulders feels superficial. I imagine something like chains around your heart that will squeeze if I move too fast or too hard. Then when I finally got the residency I could feel the chains leaving my heart only to show me that I still had other chains that were there even before moving to Australia. When they appear they take me away from this moment. They come consistently when I wake up in the middle of the night and might be the reason why I wake up.
This idea of weight on your shoulders feels superficial. I imagine something like chains around your heart that will squeeze if I move too fast or too hard.
One strategy that I found was to stop running away from them and I try my best to allow them the space to be. I want them to teach me what they are, it can be scary, but today it is more scary for me to ignore them. And like with the visa they all require a lot of work but without allowing them the space to be, I would not be able to remove that stain out of my favourite shirt.
Life is constantly changing and our bodies become different and there will always be something that will try to hang on your shoulders, I guess that is life. We need to learn to pay attention and also learn to understand what are the things that we can actually change and what the others are out of our hands. Hopefully, we can keep the loop of loving, accepting, and letting go. I can see how my perception of a lot of the things I said sounded a bit dramatic, with a pinch of darkness probably because I live a bit like that, with romanticism, drama, and joy. All of them blended together in a nice smoothie called Pedro. I am proud of my work and I am proud that I am seated here waiting for you because this is something that lightens my weight and is aligned with what I am. I want to communicate with you and I want to learn to speak my heart out.
Gracias for reading,
Pedro