I finished it!

I sit down and write, this is about trusting the process of creation. I heard that the best details of a story or most pieces of art take form at the end. I guess it is way too soon to even think about judging this little paragraph as useless or the beginning of a beautiful piece of writing. I guess this is the perfect idea of unfinished things, projects of all sorts. I  think about some of the amazing dancers that I have seen  over the years. People could say that some of them are not really anything special, but I admit with admiration that they have done a lot of special things. The finished product is the only thing that you can show, it is the only thing that you really love and that you give the opportunity to others to love or hate hehehe.

There is a couple who has won several world salsa titles. She is one of the most beautiful dancers I have ever seen, on the stage a ballerina con sabor latino, perfect lines and impeccable technique. He is all attitude, energy and power with very well trained charisma. Honestly I love their shows, every year beautiful. Yet, something in me tells me there is nothing special about them compared with the rest of the couples. I have spoken with other people and they come to a similar conclusion . They prepare every year, train with some of the best coaches, prepare their bodies for the challenge and create amazing pieces that you can’t do anything but love. They are the embodiment of consistency and hard work. And because of this you can see their sabor.  

I have done so many amazing things that I am so proud of. But there are so many more projects that I wanted to do that went nowhere. Videos on youtube, so many choreographies, friendships, the well of Ideas is endless. Like I want to travel, connect with other dancers and teach around the world, but I am scared. Scared of what? The same things might scare you, coming to the realisation that I am not actually good enough. That I will be judged for destroying the people that I am committed to here. I can invent so many of these scary sentences. I can also be a prolific excuse maker. I can see in myself that most of the things that I have achieved, if not all of the things I have achieved, have happened because of the projects I have finished. I did not realise that I have over 40 awards that I have won in Australia and another dozen around the world. It is impressive actually, good job Pedro. All of them happened thanks to choregraphies I finished, choreographies that not necessarily express the best of my being, but choreographies that I got to show to the world. So there is a clear benefit to finishing what you started.

Yet, some projects are not the way you wanted or do not express what you actually want to express. I remember I was glad when covid started because I could stop competing because I felt like I was destroying my body and my soul. I wanted to enjoy the journey, no more. The end justifies the means. You could say they deliver results though. Yes they do but at a cost that in my life is not worth it. I guess  I now want the projects in my life to be meaningful from beginning to end and I want to work with love the whole way through. I can see how this could look like an excuse. I feel it is not, because when I see the projects I have done that I love, like this bunch of words you are reading. They are love and light in this moment and I hope they are a bit of that on your side. I have a lot of moments where I am proud of my work. I am not saying that I won’t work hard. I am saying that I work with respect for myself, the projects and the  audience. With consistency as my flag.

In the last paragraph I described polarising views about finished products. In both cases you finish them. I guess I am at a point in my life where I want to finish those projects with kindness and love. I want to entertain and inspire with my choreographies, my classes, my writing and with everything I do. At the same time I want to make sure that I am living my best life. I sacrificed a lot. Starting with my family being thousands of kms away. I am trying to find a kinder way to go through life and invest the little time that I have to create things with my whole heart. 

A couple of weeks ago I decided to write down all the things  I am involved with  and I figured out that there is a lot in there for the life I am living and the hours that I have. I was doing it before when they were not clear. Now that they are on paper I can see them a bit better and I sadly had to let some things go and say sorry to the people involved. I am grateful for all the people I work with. We are doing great. Thank you. Time is limited and we need to choose to get things done, choose the one that is important for us and that we can achieve giving all our hearts in the process.

I think honesty is the tool, yes the tool. Honesty towards myself, my limitations and my strength. I keep being a work in progress and at the same time a finished project. Another paradox. Being who you are as you keep looking for ways, Ideas and people to work towards, things that will make you better yourself and everything around you. 

I honestly can’t believe that I think I just finished this little article. I can’t believe I am capable. I was scared of writing, because I am scared of showing what I do, but I am glad I did. I am here crying, but content. It has been a hard couple of years. No complaints but it has. I am sorry to anyone I offended. It was not my intention. I am learning and doing my best. I am here to assume the consequences. One more time thank you Pedro for starting so many projects and thank you now for having more and more courage to present yourself with love and honesty. Breathe… Breathe… Breathe… It looks like this paragraph is not part of the article, but it is probably the most important part. Because it is the part when you realise you finish it. You can read it, it is yours. You just needed to start. An hour ago there was nothing here. Now you finish writing your soul out with tears and a running nose. I am proud of you. Thank you for writing to Pedro and thank you for reading. 


Picture by Ketut Subiyanto

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