So many things to say, yet so few that I really think matter at this stage, as any training, or learning that you endeavour, time is the judge to really appreciate what you do. I will try to cover my experience superficially and I will try my best to remember some of the learnings and experiences that will stay with me.
The retreat consists of a 10-day course based on the teachings of S.N. Goenka. I would say 9 days of diligent training on how to meditate with the vipassana method, in complete silence from other participants, including eye contact and other types of nonverbal communication. You can only speak to the manager if any help is needed and with the teacher assistant when you ask questions. The retreat was held in a very natural, bush-type environment with a view of a lake. The participants live like monks for those days, living from donations that old students gave after finishing their courses, with some participants that are there as helpers, cooking and serving the food. The food is vegetarian, mostly vegan, and maybe not all the macros I need for this dancer’s body, yet the most healthy 10 days of food that I ever consumed. You get breakfast at 7:00am, lunch at 11 and a tea break that will include fruits, but no dinner. Rest will be placed after meals and sleep at the end of the journey. So you are given the opportunity to meditate for the other 12 hours left. Bedtime is 9:30pm and waking up time is 4:00am. You also live under certain precepts that guide your moral life, the meditation and some philosophies related to the wisdom acquired through your journey. No music, no reading, no writing and no exercise, well you can walk around.
As you can see, everything is built for you to live in a pure environment and a daily routine that yells discipline. If you are reading me, you probably know a bit about who I am. I have a lot of periods of meditation, journaling and emotional resilience in my life. I like to believe I am a disciplined person, but I always thought I did not have enough discipline in my life, I honestly have been struggling for a while with a few limiting beliefs that have slowed down a lot of my processing and I also hold a great amount of judgement, sometimes from people around me, my loved ones and especially myself, so the whole experience sound like a great fit for me. So I was and I am deeply grateful to Tiffany because she organised it for me.
There is so much that I experienced that it is still a bit of a struggle to tell you anything about it. So I will now just list a few of the things that I perceive from those 12 days away, in no particular order and with with no intention of categorising as good or bad:
- This course feels like it was tested with thousands of people over a huge period of time. Day 1 links perfectly with day 2. All the tasks and structures, the servers, the meals, the no talking or writing, and the limit on the area that you can explore are built to help you learn this method.
- The main discourses, 1 hour every day, are not given by a present teacher; the teacher on site is a TA. S.N. Goenka himself delivers the classes with a video that was probably filmed in the 70s, as well as all the audios used in the group meditations. It is great as a historical reference, but it is surprising for me to find that there is no one capable of dictating those classes talking about chemicals and elements. He intends to do so, and he does it well just outdated.
- One of the interesting experiences that I had was that my mind woke up. In the past I could only see black or maybe a couple of colours, but after 3 days I started seeing movies, everytime I closed my eyes. They became very distracting for my meditation practice. The teacher, trying to help me, recommended that I open my eyes so I could concentrate. Oh, the images were wild, all kinds of ratings. Like every time I closed my eyes I was stepping into another universe. It was always entertaining and not scary at all.
- I was capable of sitting down for around 90 minutes, maybe 100 minutes without moving, enduring some of the most uncomfortable pain. Right now, it does not seem like a big thing, but before, I would say that it was impossible I would do that. I mean, I have been at the gym or dancing when I pushed myself, but this is something that I never imagined I could do. Yet, I don’t hold any aversion towards it.
- Good or bad reactions are unnecessary, as part of the method and the philosophy you encounter that either good or bad reactions or thoughts disconnect you from living experiences. So the method recommends you to live the experience and then let it go. Trusting that your default view will always be positive.
I really want to write more but that is enough for today. I guess I will tell you more in the future about this course.
Gracias for reading,
Pedro