It is another of my mornings, I have my fancy pen and a piece of paper and I am about to write some of the future projects that I will be part of in the next couple of months, prepare the next showcase, the parties, the festivals and all the little changes for the school and my own choreographies. While writing the list, part of the emotions are related to excitement towards achieving some of my goals, and the other part is clearly related to fear of all the commitment and time that those things require. They seemed a lot more scary before I wrote them. There is still a sense of fear, even after I write them. It is that feeling of the possibility of not being able to deliver, that they won’t be the way I would like, the way I think I must. There is not another option for me but seeing them clearly in front of me. I am in a position where I might need to let some of them go. Because I can see that I added a lot to my plate. I am honestly not sure how I will handle everything. Yet the only thing I can do now is write them down, maybe stop adding more and it is also probably a good idea to organise some of these things that I want to do.
Meanwhile it is important for me to try to understand that the world is huge and that I will be fine if I drop some of these things. I am honestly super proud of the things I keep coming up with, the team that is around me and the more calm manner that I have now to face anything in my life. Despite working really hard in my life to achieve things, I sometimes forget that there is always a price to pay. There are always so many things that you have to say no to. I am not talking about stopping eating my sweets everyday, or am I? I honestly find it challenging to stop eating, so delicious, but I would love to be a bit more focussed in regards to my weight. I have been consistent with my training and my eating is slowly getting a bit better, for what I want. It is understanding that you say no to some of the immediate pleasures for the long run, for the healthy body that will allow me to achieve a lot more. Instead of feeling uncomfortable in my own body. I guess everything starts by being able to see this picture and remember that part of getting fitter is being a bit hungry and that my body functions better when I do not have to digest a copious amount of food, and that sugar causes a spike that plays with my mind.
Observe, everything comes back to that, at least for me, to put things on paper and develop them, to maybe talk to a friend to get it out of your system, to study yourself with the idea of learning what are the things that click with you or with a part of you. A lot of it is learning to sit down with the feelings, welcoming them, giving you the opportunity to understand that it is ok and everything will be ok, that some of those uncomfortable feelings are part of you or part of achieving some of your goals. Trying to see hunger as a way to understand that you are spending more calories than you are consuming, so you are doing great on your path of being a stronger person and more productive.
Yesterday, while I was talking to John, my physiotherapist, we were evaluating the previous fitness program he designed for me that was amazing, but it has a couple of exercises that I honestly hated, but at the same time got me a lot stronger. I knew that they were great for me, but OMG I still feel that it was horrible most of the time, I struggle to believe that I actually did them for weeks, not missing any week of training, it has been one of my favorite programs. Yet, because I described the exercises as horrible he changed them for me, and there is a little lesson there. Despite being horrible, there might be an alternative that achieves the same without the antagonism. Some of the other changes in the program are related to being on a stronger level of fitness so some sets do not need to be as long, Some others became longer. I like that he stopped to see how we can make my training better. I like that he has the knowledge to help to achieve my goals, and I like that I have been disciplined to it.
Once again, sit down and question the things that are happening to you, find some options, accept some others that you can’t change. Maybe do more because you now can, because you are a bit stronger. You won’t know if you do not stop to think about the things you want, the work you have done and the beautiful thing of being alive and going for things you are inspired about.
Gracias for reading,
Pedro.