The shadow in everything, the fat after the sweet, the hangover after the alcohol, that fun friend that does not know how to handle a deep conversation. The paradoxical reality of everything in life. Noticeably everything in this world has it. Lately I found myself pondering things that are clearly very important in my life and some of the elements of them have not always been aligned with what I am. I am talking about people, habits and things. Over my years, especially this last 10, I have taken decisions that were very painful and very rewarding. It seems that there is always something else that you got to let go. Some of them are easy, there is not much attachment, some others break your heart. It is important to take those steps towards trying to accept and leave those things that aren’t for you, trying to avoid clinging and abuse either for or from people. I want to appreciate the light in things, and that probably some lights are not meant for me.
Of Clothes, Clarity, and Sparked Joy
In the first 10 years of my life, I do not remember having a lot, we used to live in a 2 bedroom apartment, my parents and their three boys, Yet it was a great apartment complex, with a lot of kids our ages, and with all our needs covered, I am very grateful. Clothing was something interesting. Ever since I can remember, we had a tradition where, close to December, we went one day to buy all our clothes for the year. It was great, especially for our “estrenos” (New clothes you wear for christmas and new years eve). But not the best practice for any of our clothes 4 months into the year. Imagine just before next year’s shopping day. Thus for me it was not always easy to let go of clothes. Years ago at the beginning of my 30s I found the book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up from Marie Kondo. She instructs her readers to take an object and ask does this spark joy? Then notice how you feel and if it does not, then just get rid of it, donate it, give it away or sell it. This concept I found particularly enlightening, I think it can apply a lot and many times, these are things that at some point sparked joy and love, but then slowly because of the changes in our bodies or normal usage it does not do that any more. I try my best to keep my closet full of clothes that spark joy, that inspire me, that bring a bit more energy to my days and it is a beautiful thing to feel good. A lot of my costumes make me feel like a superhero, not because they are tight, but most of the time because they just feel great. Stepping out of the idea of buying clothes once per year is obvious, and I want to make sure that most of my garments are inspiring and I want to wear them. Clothes are obvious and easy things to let go and change, but it took me years of paying attention to my body while applying these changes.
The Silence Between Conversations
I am honestly struggling to organise my ideas in regards to this topic. Especially because I do not want to offend anyone. We all have a dark side, we do not need to like everyone, and everyone does not need to like us. A lot of this work requires much reflection and paying attention to how we feel. It requires us to speak up and clarify our boundaries. But in regards to the people that are already there, some of their features are amazing for our life yet some of them bring nothing you feel like having in your life right now, So instead of having a conversation, you just get busy with life and other priorities, it is only when you settled a bit more when you have the space to talk to these people and create a space for them. In my days there is noise that goes beyond simple distractions that take me out of the things I love. So those things are usually a priority in improving the way I live.
Boundaries, Banana Bread, and Self-Acceptance
I am not perfect, and I am learning to have clear boundaries especially with myself. A lot of the habits I have are not necessarily the habits I want. I do not want a soy decaf and think it is better to have a green tea or a long black decaf, but instead I add a banana bread to my snack. I honestly would love to just have an apple with my coffee. But I do not know how to do it yet. I am doing my best to love my own shadows. Maybe love someone else’s shadows, that part of us that also wants to be loved and accepted, that part in others that are not villains but just another important character in our life. Yet the thing that I want the most is to accept the shadows and I believe accepting it myself is taking me through the path to try to find ways to show it to the world. Sometimes letting go is more related to letting go people that do not accept us as we are, people that without noticing step in the way of the things we want or are. They do that because we maybe hid it for a long time. It takes forever to understand who we are and I am just learning. I am just learning that trying to speak your truth is all you can do if you want to have your two sides embraced by the people around you. Love yourself and your shadows and see if someone else’s shadows are something that sparks joy in you. Like a dog will do when it is trying to dry in front of you, well your dog. LOL.
Gracias for reading,
Pedro.